Friday, February 08, 2008

Boston Legal Quotes

Alan Shore: [to Tara] Hello, I'm a complete stranger and I'm here to pick you up.
[notices Joe]
Alan Shore: Oh, I see, there's two of us. I'll be evens, you be odds.
Joe: You got a problem?
Alan Shore: No, actually. I just saw this fair maiden here talking to a tree trunk, and since I'm an arborist I thought I could help translate.
Joe: Here's a health tip. Walk away.
Alan Shore: Why would I do that?
Tara Wilson: All right, guys.
Alan Shore: Don't be deceived by my cushy appearance.
Tara Wilson: Excuse me. I actually am with him.
Joe: I don't care. Walk away, or I lay you out.
Alan Shore: I don't mean to be a stickler, but isn't the object to lay her out?
[Joe punches Alan]
Tara Wilson: Hey!
Joe: Oh, gee, I'm sorry, I was reaching for my wallet...
Alan Shore: I see. Allow me to reach for mine.
[walks away to the other end of the bar]
Tara Wilson: Are you all right?
Alan Shore: Fine.
[to Mike and friends]
Alan Shore: Hello, big people. Sorry to intrude, but you seem rather strapping. Here's three hundred dollars. Would you be so kind as to go hit that man down there?
Mike: [laughs incredulously] Really?
Tara Wilson: Alan!
Alan Shore: There's an extra hundred if he goes down.
Mike: You're on.
Alan Shore: Make it a good one.
Tara Wilson: Oh, for God's sakes.
Alan Shore: [Mike hits Joe; fistfight ensues. Alan gives money to Mike's friend] Here's a hundred; go help your friend.
Alan Shore: [watches the fighting] Gee, seems Joe has buddies.
[passing out money to Mike's friends]
Alan Shore: One for you, one for you. I've got plenty of them. Hit him hard, now. For you, and for you...

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