Favorite Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris Facts


The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

And, finally, little known historical fact:

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.